Sometimes you anticipate those angry messages but more often they catch you off guard. And here’s an even stranger thing! After the call is over, about 90% of the time you can’t figure out: (a) why the client is so mad; or, (b) why he or she should direct that anger at you!

Clients’ temper flair-ups can come up in meetings, through angry e-mails or memos. In this article we’ll concentrate on the phone: if you can learn to handle the phone calls you can generalize that behavior to other situations.

Let’s start by talking a bit about anger, what it means coming from clients and why, paradoxically, an angry client call can be a positive thing.

Why do people get angry? Where does anger come from? Like most emotions it is complicated and it can come from a number of places.

Righteous anger - Sometimes people, including you and me and our clients, get angry because we have, quite simply, been treated badly. Sometimes anger is just that: you treated me wrong and I’m angry with you for doing that.

Smokescreen anger - Anger is not always about anger! Some people - men a bit more than women - display anger when they get frightened. If client Bill gets worried that his job review is going to be poor because the installation in his department is going slow he may call and berate you for the work not going well. He sounds angry: in fact the anger is a smokescreen for his fear and he doesn’t even know it himself.

Manipulative anger - Sad but true, some people have learned that they can get their way by intimidating others with anger. The anger is an academy-award winning performance whose only purpose is to get you to give in on something. This form of anger leads to a lot of “scope creep” and can cost your firm revenue!

Displaced anger - Have you ever kicked a trashcan when you were mad at your boss? Have you ever snapped at your spouse when you were mad at your mother?

We all tend to displace anger from someone to whom we cannot show anger - for whatever reason - to someone we can, either because they are more vulnerable or simply available. It isn’t fair, but it is fairly universal. A common displacement of anger is blaming the person on the other end of the phone for the actions of the entire company.

Built-up anger - When people deal appropriately with frustration they seldom show temper. But, most people do not deal appropriately with frustration. They let little things build up and then some small event sets them off.

We vary in how we react to anger. Few of us like it; many of us hate it. Some people - women a bit more than men - are very intimidated by anger. As one of my consultant clients told me: “When someone yells at me all I hear is the anger.”

So, many of us become intimidated and clam up. Some of us get angry in response to the anger - especially when it seems unfair and misdirected - and we show that angry counter-response. And worst of all, as mentioned above, some of us just avoid the encounter.

Negative reaction to anger is understandable: it is also limiting because anger is a real emotion and one you will experience in the working world; especially in the consulting world. One way to handle anger more effectively is by looking at your more positive options.

1. Listen and show you’re listening - Don’t clam up or start defending yourself or arguing. Listen passively, at first, occasionally saying things like “I see” or “I hear you.”

2. Take it seriously but not personally - Any negative response from a client is very important! But in most cases, while the anger may seem directed personally at you, it seldom is. Remember some of the reasons why you might be on the receiving end:

• You’re a handy scapegoat for something that someone else in your firm did.

• The client is taking his or her anger at someone else - perhaps the boss? - on you. And in most cases without realizing it.

• The client really sees a problem with your work but it is due to a misunderstanding.

• The client really sees a problem with your work but it is because he or she doesn’t correctly remember what was promised.

3. Let them finish - You could interrupt, but for what purpose? Until the person has vented he or she is not going to listen to you.

4. Don’t match their anger or tone - be calm and show respect. Even in the very extreme case of physical self-defense people are told to never shout or curse back at an angry, shouting, cursing person. Being calm and polite does not make you look weak; it makes it clear that you, for one, are in control of yourself.

5. Express sympathy and an interest in problem-solving - Even if the criticism is completely off-base you can feel badly about the other person’s distress. “Bill, I’m sorry you’re upset. Let’s see what we can do about this.”

6. Apologize for what you should apologize for - In most cases, even if you are 95% blameless, you are 5% at fault. Claim that 5% immediately. “Jane, I didn’t know you were upset. I should have touched base with you last week. Let’s get this handled.” (And if you are 95% at fault, acknowledge that!)

7. Turn it into problem solving - If the client is angry, something needs to be fixed. This may be an emotionally laden problem but it is still a problem to be solved.

You may discover the basis for the anger; on the other hand you may never know if the anger was built-up resentment, a smokescreen for fear or even an attempt at manipulation. It doesn’t really matter.

It doesn’t matter because you are going to move into the problem-solving mode asking the questions and making the comments that you, as a consultant, know so well:

• What’s the problem?

• Here’s what my notes say.

• When will the problem have an impact?

• How will the problem affect your company? Your department?

• How will the problem affect you, personally?

• Here are some suggested solutions. How do those sound to you?

8. Don’t take the automatic stance that you’re wrong but do find some action step you can take - Listening, being sympathetic and taking some responsibility doesn’t mean you were all wrong or that everything the client asks for is justified. “Charles, it seems we didn’t give you enough documentation. On one hand we didn’t contract to write a complete manual and doing that would involve additional cost; but we certainly did commit to provide a two-page overview and I will have that for you by Monday.”

9. At the risk of sounding glib - get over it! - Was it justified? Was it fair? Why me? You can brood and ask yourself these questions but nothing is solved by doing so. It’s easier said than done but anger is like bad weather: You can’t avoid it. Do what you can to cope with it, and go on with your life.

Client displeasure doesn’t always show up as anger: There are other ways in which clients can show displeasure, something we can discuss in other articles. These other ways require slightly different coping mechanisms but many of them are similar to the techniques described here, techniques that can help you in a wide range of interpersonal situations.

Remember: the angry call is not the problem. It’s the problem that prompted the angry call. All of us, especially those who are sensitive to anger, sometimes take the ostrich approach that anger isn’t there if I don’t hear or see it. Not true. The problem and anger were there already whether the client called or not.

What could possibly be positive about the anger? A Managing Partner years ago said that everyone should want to take an angry client call. Why?

If they’re calling they’re still your clients - As a savvy consultant told me: “The angry clients I worry about are the ones who don’t call me! I’ve lost their business.” And that’s true. As long as they are still calling you still have a chance to turn them around.

The angry client call is an opportunity to solve a problem - and possibly more! - At the very least the relationship between you and the client is probably better than it was before. You have probably made an angry call or two in your life, right? And which did you appreciate most: getting the runaround or having someone really listen to you?

When people feel heard and see some possible solutions they often feel grateful and relieved. And those people are often open to additional solutions, even solutions that expand business.

Whoops! Angry client call on line two. Good!

Also by Bob Rose: What clients think of us and how that can help you. 

Dr. Bob Rose, an industrial psychologist and a Principal of Rose Porterfield Group (RPG), has been consulting to business in teambuilding, hiring and solving people problems since 1976. The Principals of RPG have written books and articles on psychological assessment and people issues in business. RPG consults to management teams in a wide range of industries including consulting firms.

He can be reached at (214) 234-0266 or e-mail at: rose@roseporterfieldgroup.com.
His web site: http://roseporterfieldgroup.com/